Protection for the Protector – Really?

May 28, 2014

- Those who stay in Old Age Homes

Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair – Mitch Albom

I often watch teary-eyed fathers & mothers on National Television, Tabloids, online (you name it, they are there!) relating their woes of having ungrateful, rebellious, modern-generation… children (latter may please be read as “adults”) who “suddenly one day left us/threw us (read as parents/protectors) in an old age home…”

Well, First – nothing is “suddenly” !? It is no like – “suddenly, I had an accident” or “suddenly, we had guests who turned out to be villains” or “suddenly, I discovered that my own body had a tumour” (??!) What is so “suddenly” between children and parents? Never, have I understood these most unobtrusive statements, agreed and appalled at by the interviewer (who, may himself may be contemplating sending his parent to an old age home – please forgive gender usage, as it can be “her” too).

There is nothing sudden between those that bore you and those that got “burdened” by that birth – for life.

Let us begin at the beginning.

CHAPTER 1

It is often said that the child chooses parents. I do not know. Perhaps.

Do our parents choose us? Most often than not, the choice is sex, not the child. So the choice marked with pleasure, lust, anger (yes, anger leads to sex. How else do the men & women “make-up” for the fight, silly?), masochism… and other kinky reasons of drugs & drinking.

The child is born – innocence, beauty & grace of God revealing itself at its best.

Mostly never seen by “parents/protector”. They are given a new position with 3 Cs as job responsibilities – Control, Criticism & Comparison. The Primal Scream is a word most prevalent by these authoritative protectors is – NO.

The child understand his “criminal record” of being punished is “dependency”.

I must never, ever forget to add incest / child sexual abuse, rampant within families, where the abuser (if he is not the father himself) is never punished by these parents/protectors.

Seeds of anger for revenge, unknown to all, including the dependent takes a breeding ground.

The child is scarred, within.
CHAPTER 2

Teenager, Adult (never treated as one of course, by parents/protectors!)

Depending on the individual traits, this (revenge) is repressed, suppressed (read as respect to elders), while others start flaunting it at a young age (read as attention seeking behavior) – anger, crying, compulsive disorders, substance and other abuse.

Do parents/protectors “STOP”?

Never.

They continue their 3 Cs with much more fervor and gusto at all platforms – school, college, friends, neighbours, relatives (read as, “see, the well behaved/academically bright/polite… their children are…”). Never mind, if well behaved/academically bright/polite children belong to the first category – yes, you got it right (suppressed, repressed…), and are internally sowing more seeds than the latter category (aggressive, rebellious…) who have been forced to be the respectable face of parents/protectors – and, hate it!

The adult is wounded, within.

CHAPTER 3

Marriage.
Now, the hell breaks loose! The W.I.F.E* (read as mother of the son) lifetime desire of 3 Cs (which up till now was only her husband’s prerogative) gets completely fulfilled targeting “the other woman” (son’s wife).

Rest, is well known!

The sonny boy, whose seed (of revenge) has flowered into a family tree, gets a pleasurable feel at role reversals – frail age of parents and dependency!

Do parents give up?

Not yet. If they have the power of money, the silent 3 C’s grow like a creeper – on the needs of the sonny boy, if any!

If you are a daughter ( & have been rebellious, but are in need), the creeper is ready to choke you by that power!

The wounds become dark and seething.

CHAPTER 4 – TBD (To Be Diagnosed)

Following questions may please be answered. In complete naked truth. With- In the silences, of your own conscience self.

  • Do you truly “feel” the feeling when you say (to yourself & others) I love my children/kids?
  • Do you/Can you leave your children to do whatever they want and still “love”? (includes running away, pursuing a non-earning career, choosing partners to live-in…the list is endless)
  • Can you live & love without advising (read as “interfere”) your adult (read as – from age 14 years) children?
  • Can you support your children (emotionally, mentally, and financially) even if they turn law-breakers (the extreme)?
  • Can you stand besides and for your children when they face their worst humiliations?

IF the answers to all of the above are truly a YES, your children will never ever send you to an old age home. If it is a YES, they will also never turn into law breakers…etc., etc., as mentioned above (Examples were to create an extreme sense of test – of your love).
IF it is a NO/MAYBE, your children would and should send you to an old age home.

 

A POINT OF CAUTION:

I have coined Parents as one entity, as a wife is (expected) just a *W.I.F.E – i.e.Willing, Involved (with Husband & Family of the Husband only), F……k (we can all fill-in-the-blanks), Emotion (Crying, Tantrum, Sentimental – defined by Husband and His family only.

*METRO – SEXUAL/SENSUAL (whatever!) & FEMINISTS – BEWARE BEFORE GIVING RHETORIC COMMENTS: Remember, the REAL INDIA constitutes (perhaps) 10 % of your kind!

  • It is only the SON (Sonny Boy!) that gets an “opportunity” to put his parents in an old age home, as the daughter usually goes to another sonny boy’s home.
  • DAUGHTERS are rare, who sends her parents to old age homes, in spite of all of the above that is equally shared between a son and a daughter. She will have the seed, but she may usually find positive ways to dissolve it OR be alone (away from her parents).

Protecting the Protector

The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him more. Appreciate what is good in him rather than emphasizing what is bad. Talk about his goodness. Let the whole neighborhood know how nice and beautiful a boy he is. You may be able to shift his energy from the bad side to the good side, from the dark side to the lighted side, because you will make him aware that this is the way to get respect, this is the way to be honored. And you will prevent him from doing anything that makes him fall down in people’s eyes.

- OSHO

 

Section:: The Empowerment Blog

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