Author Archive for Aakaar Films

Protection for the Protector – Really?

– Those who stay in Old Age Homes

Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair – Mitch Albom

I often watch teary-eyed fathers & mothers on National Television, Tabloids, online (you name it, they are there!) relating their woes of having ungrateful, rebellious, modern-generation… children (latter may please be read as “adults”) who “suddenly one day left us/threw us (read as parents/protectors) in an old age home…”

Well, First – nothing is “suddenly” !? It is no like – “suddenly, I had an accident” or “suddenly, we had guests who turned out to be villains” or “suddenly, I discovered that my own body had a tumour” (??!) What is so “suddenly” between children and parents? Never, have I understood these most unobtrusive statements, agreed and appalled at by the interviewer (who, may himself may be contemplating sending his parent to an old age home – please forgive gender usage, as it can be “her” too).

There is nothing sudden between those that bore you and those that got “burdened” by that birth – for life.

Let us begin at the beginning.

CHAPTER 1

It is often said that the child chooses parents. I do not know. Perhaps.

Do our parents choose us? Most often than not, the choice is sex, not the child. So the choice marked with pleasure, lust, anger (yes, anger leads to sex. How else do the men & women “make-up” for the fight, silly?), masochism… and other kinky reasons of drugs & drinking.

The child is born – innocence, beauty & grace of God revealing itself at its best.

Mostly never seen by “parents/protector”. They are given a new position with 3 Cs as job responsibilities – Control, Criticism & Comparison. The Primal Scream is a word most prevalent by these authoritative protectors is – NO.

The child understand his “criminal record” of being punished is “dependency”.

I must never, ever forget to add incest / child sexual abuse, rampant within families, where the abuser (if he is not the father himself) is never punished by these parents/protectors.

Seeds of anger for revenge, unknown to all, including the dependent takes a breeding ground.

The child is scarred, within.
CHAPTER 2

Teenager, Adult (never treated as one of course, by parents/protectors!)

Depending on the individual traits, this (revenge) is repressed, suppressed (read as respect to elders), while others start flaunting it at a young age (read as attention seeking behavior) – anger, crying, compulsive disorders, substance and other abuse.

Do parents/protectors “STOP”?

Never.

They continue their 3 Cs with much more fervor and gusto at all platforms – school, college, friends, neighbours, relatives (read as, “see, the well behaved/academically bright/polite… their children are…”). Never mind, if well behaved/academically bright/polite children belong to the first category – yes, you got it right (suppressed, repressed…), and are internally sowing more seeds than the latter category (aggressive, rebellious…) who have been forced to be the respectable face of parents/protectors – and, hate it!

The adult is wounded, within.

CHAPTER 3

Marriage.
Now, the hell breaks loose! The W.I.F.E* (read as mother of the son) lifetime desire of 3 Cs (which up till now was only her husband’s prerogative) gets completely fulfilled targeting “the other woman” (son’s wife).

Rest, is well known!

The sonny boy, whose seed (of revenge) has flowered into a family tree, gets a pleasurable feel at role reversals – frail age of parents and dependency!

Do parents give up?

Not yet. If they have the power of money, the silent 3 C’s grow like a creeper – on the needs of the sonny boy, if any!

If you are a daughter ( & have been rebellious, but are in need), the creeper is ready to choke you by that power!

The wounds become dark and seething.

CHAPTER 4 – TBD (To Be Diagnosed)

Following questions may please be answered. In complete naked truth. With- In the silences, of your own conscience self.

• Do you truly “feel” the feeling when you say (to yourself & others) I love my children/kids?
  
• Do you/Can you leave your children to do whatever they want and still “love”? (includes running away, pursuing a non-earning career, choosing partners to live-in…the list is endless)
• Can you live & love without advising (read as “interfere”) your adult (read as – from age 14 years) children?
• Can you support your children (emotionally, mentally, and financially) even if they turn law-breakers (the extreme)?
• Can you stand besides and for your children when they face their worst humiliations?

IF the answers to all of the above are truly a YES, your children will never ever send you to an old age home. If it is a YES, they will also never turn into law breakers…etc., etc., as mentioned above (Examples were to create an extreme sense of test – of your love).
IF it is a NO/MAYBE, your children would and should send you to an old age home.

A POINT OF CAUTION:

I have coined Parents as one entity, as a wife is (expected) just a *W.I.F.E – i.e.Willing, Involved (with Husband & Family of the Husband only), F……k (we can all fill-in-the-blanks), Emotion (Crying, Tantrum, Sentimental – defined by Husband and His family only.

*METRO – SEXUAL/SENSUAL (whatever!) & FEMINISTS – BEWARE BEFORE GIVING RHETORIC COMMENTS: Remember, the REAL INDIA constitutes (perhaps) 10 % of your kind!

• It is only the SON (Sonny Boy!) that gets an “opportunity” to put his parents in an old age home, as the daughter usually goes to another sonny boy’s home.
• DAUGHTERS are rare, who sends her parents to old age homes, in spite of all of the above that is equally shared between a son and a daughter. She will have the seed, but she may usually find positive ways to dissolve it OR be alone (away from her parents).

The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him more. Appreciate what is good in him rather than emphasizing what is bad. Talk about his goodness. Let the whole neighborhood know how nice and beautiful a boy he is. You may be able to shift his energy from the bad side to the good side, from the dark side to the lighted side, because you will make him aware that this is the way to get respect, this is the way to be honored. And you will prevent him from doing anything that makes him fall down in people’s eyes.

– OSHO

Divorced… but Married?

I was looking at a frail Indian (ex) Superstar Rajesh Khanna waving from the balcony of his much once-upon-a-time tourist location of India – his bungalow Aashirwaad. And, no one could miss the most gorgeous woman/mother/grandmother of our times – actress Dimple Kapadia behind him! Then, the Superstar passed way. And, behind him mourning was again Dimple, the Kapadia! Mourning? Really? What did she share except pain, heartbreak & tears with the man whom we could all die for in his ‘super ‘days!? That’s “our Indian woman” – society salutes, adores and gives respect to this martyr image of single, legally divorced & (dis) empowered woman!

Now, let’s turn the chapter.

Saif Ali Khan. The Indian actor and a Nawab (Prince). Eloped and married at 21 to the empowered firebrand actress daughter of Rukhsana Sultan – Amrita Singh. Many years of matrimony turned tables, as the empowered and strong woman in Amrita Singh could no more accept infidelity (to read as plural!) of her grow, growing and grown-up Saifu! Saif Ali Khan’s journey with women is a public knowledge, leading to marriage with the most gorgeous, young (in age & grey cells?) and talented Kareena Kapoor. Amrita Singh relationship status – Divorced and Single.

I have often wondered, why do only Indian women feel “guilty” if the “protector, provider, providence” (to be read as karmic and actually none of the above) moves on and away from her life? Even if the more empowered (Amrita Singhs & Dimple Kapadias of the world) initiate the proceedings, while the lesser known are “thrown out”, their relationship status (to the world at large) remains – Single and Divorced (full stop).

Does the female libido die out with the 3 Ps (Protector etcetera, etcetera and THE most important ‘P’ HE thinks HE has!!)?? Or, the male libido needs more validation that there is a continuum in his continuity of life, after divorce? Does the desire to have a companion, love and sharing wired differently in God’s creation? The answer is an obvious – NO.

Such is the horrific depth of conditioning in an Indian women, who is fed with (in) mother’s chromosome formation to remain “pure, pious, perfect (to be read as one word – VIRGIN)” and belong only to that one man – to be/ should be/would be printed on her wedding card.

The empowered of Cosmopoliton INDIA are changing slowly, but in the real INDIA (REAL INDIA consists of Muzaffarnagars, Jharkhands and Tumkurs please & not in Mumbai-kars, Delhi-ites & Bangalore-eans…) relationship status remains – Single and Divorced (full stop – of/for life).

The feminist movement has also conditioned many with “I am single by choice”. That’s rare and unreal, with the mind playing its own game of conditioning, and ego patting its back. Under-layered is a desire suppressed and a mind that keeps the announcement tag of, “You are strong, individualistic and independent. So you do not have these lowly, common desires. They are only for the weak & meek. You must rise above and beyond.” (To be read as ‘spiritual’.) OR statements most dis-empowering – “This is a male-dominated society: As long as you have a father, brother, husband – you have standing. Once you don’t have them, you have no importance.”

Change is pertinent. Change is de-conditioning. Change is expression of natural desire.
Change = Relationship Status = Divorced. In a Relationship /Re-married by choice/Exploring personal freedom.

We, The Women

The Rape, the Molestation, the Sexual Harassment, the Violence against women…

Great words; Issue-based debatable topics amongst feminists, gender sensitive media & public;
A very “hot topic for discussion” within families in their drawing rooms, as they watch expert debate on Television over “gang – rape of a 23 year old who died, protest march/es, candle light processions and politician – police bashing… blah, blah, blah!”

All very intellectual and progressive.

This is the mask that a very propah and an urbanized society likes to wear in their small corners of walls they call a “home”.

The reality is very ugly and hidden.

In gross violation, women, teenagers and small girls have been molested, touched at uncomfortable places, verbally and physically beaten, abused at some time or the other in their lives – by a Male.

In a subtle violation, women have been dominated & controlled, “arranged” into marriages without much choice, have been given adjectives such as “loose” “aggressive” “hot tempered” …if expressed choice to be free of bondages and live life on own terms – by a Male.

In a more “intellectual violation”, women have been told that they have been “allowed freedom” to choose friends, lovers, a non-conformist way of life, and that, they have “good husbands/fathers/brothers” (especially the first) because they have “never hit us even once” – by a Male.

A more gross reality is the fact that, molestation, child-sexual abuse and the rest of it, that happens in the confines of the “home” by a perpetrator who is usually the “family” – uncle, brother, cousin (I will not go lower – to a father, but yes, it is…). If found out, it is discussed in hushed tones, blaming the girl/teenager for “provocation of some sort” (why did he not do the same thing – to be read as ‘molest’ – your other cousin/s & only you?), and in the quickest of move, swiped as dust under the drawing room carpets…

…where today,
discussions are focused on the “other” girl raped (what about me?) …capital punishment for rapist (And, the uncle who molested me?) …laws to be redefined (uncle in the drawing room, footloose?)…

“So much hungama over this & roads closed. I had to pick-up the wedding blouse from my tailor….”

Did I hear my mother?

Jo Hansi, Woh Phansi…

Jo Hansi, Woh Phansi

(The one (female) who laughs, is the one who can be “caught easily”)

She died today.

And so did I.

I, the WOMEN of INDIA.

I, the WOMEN, who was always told by “MEN” that the following “excites their male-ness…”

• Talking loud, so that you are heard
• A physical touch of friendship, as it is “physical”
• Sitting with legs wide open and big breasts, is “inviting”
• Clothes that bare, evokes desire to see “more”
• Laughter, that rings loud & clear

..as Jo hansi, woh phansi…

She had never laughed with them.

She only struggled under the “burden” of six “excited ma(d)le-ness” on her fragile body.

And cried for help.

No one came.

No one picked up her cold, naked body for a very long time.

She died.

I Never Use Condoms.

Q. What’s the difference between a man and a condom? 

A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego…

A: “Is it in?”

Did you know, that…

• The federal government of U.S. has spent nearly half a million dollars to fund a study to find out why some men would prefer not to wear condoms during sex.
• The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, a branch of the National Institutes of Health, has awarded a $423,500 grant to researchers at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction.
• The Bloomington, Ind., based research team will use the funding to study “barriers to correct condom use,” according to a release from the institute.

In India, it is very “I am a (He) MAN” statement – “I hate wearing condoms”.

Look around yourself – the boyfriend/husband/friends boyfriend/son (& you thought you raised a feminist son- wrong!) …the statement remains ditto!

Elaborate reasons?
– Feeling experienced during intercourse is altered – and not for the better
– Physical sensation is simply not the same
– Interruption when a couple is in the ‘heat of the moment’ where you have to change focus to something decidedly unromantic. It breaks the mood.

To be noted: Woman is never the focus! And, never asked!
It is only “me, my pleasure, my heated state”….

The above interactions are not derived from the lower strata of society. It comes very blatantly from the so-called intellectual/urban/middle-upper ma(lea)sses!

It is presumed:

• that HIV/AIDS is caused only through sex-workers – definition of sex-workers – multiple partners
• that by definition, all marriages are monogamous – rarely – thus application of “multi-partner”!
• that my boyfriend/girlfriend is “only mine” – dream-situation – thus application of multi-partner!
• that only gay sex leads to HIV/AIDS – there would then be no woman/children suffering from it!
• Last, but not the least – we are beyond the age of producing children – imbecile!

It is only women who “dare to bare” only if they are kept safe, insist on condom usage.
Are YOU one of those empowered women?
Or, Are you a MAN enough?

Then, follow the sensitivity & sensibility of these negotiating powers:

Tourism Buddhism – Travel to Bhutan

I have been incessantly “pulled-in” to places where Buddha’s feet are ingrained – be it Sikkim, Bihar (Ranchi – my birthplace, now renamed Jharkhand), Bangkok… & now Bhutan, where one of the world’s seven tallest statues of Buddha overlooks, blessing its Gross National Happiness quotient (instead of Gross National Product of the materialistic world!!).

Ironic?! Not really, as Buddha’s teachings have resonated in each fibre of my living, inclusive of a master such as Osho.
Journey to Bhutan encompasses sensitivity and sensibility of tourist travel at it’s best – following the principle of sustainability, be it environmentally and ecologically friendly, socially and culturally acceptable and economically viable – tourism in Bhutan is a regulated effort, only to be entertained if you are accompanied by a registered tourist guide.

More than 70 percent of this tiny Buddhist kingdom is forested and outside our car window scrolled every possible shade of green: emerald rice paddies, thick jungles of wild marijuana, silver fir trees draped in moss, and misty, wooded hills laced with prayer flags and crowned with fortified monasteries, or dzongs.

The local radio station provided the sound track, a strange mix that included a traditional Bhutanese folk song.
Not too many airlines are available, if you want to travel Paro (their only world-connection) from India except National Carrier Druk Air (Druk Jams, Druk Pickles…you have caught it right (Druk) Honey!) – one of the safest airlines in the world.

With only 700,000 people inhabiting the land, a king that is much loved by the people , a national dish of chilli and cheese , and a national animal that looks half-buffalo and half-yak, it is hard not to feel as though you have landed in a tiny magical fairytale kingdom, rightly the ‘Shangri-La.’

Blessed by Guru Rinpoche, Bhutan has the most revered ‘hanging’ pilgrimage sites (only if you have no ‘weak knees’ & can climb steep hill of 3000 mts. high), aptly named Tiger’s Nest. But if can’t (like me), but still want to be blessed with “fertility”(of all variables!) – a visit to at Chimi Lakhang temple, dedicated to a randy medieval monk does more than others – termed “fertility temple” at Ponakha, he’s thought to bless women with children! Every home, every child’s auspicious bracelet, each trinklet is marked with – the Penis!

Understandably, Bhutanese have limited or nil concept of monogamy. Truly liberated!

In every corner of this universe, my search leads me to an undying passion – junk jewellery, art & crafts, of which (as any other) Bhutan has in abundance.

Although defined as one of the safest places to stay in the world, with its elegant heritage properties to host the guests, and a cool weather to match its warmth – I would still define Bhutan as a poor man’s Sikkim.

The Hypocrisy of Monogamy

The more, the happier... by choice

Monogamy = a form of marriage in which an individual has only one spouse at any one time. Never happens.
Adultery = is a relationship that develops between two consenting adults, when not given a free choice. Always happens.

Marriage has unsurprisingly emerged as a global practice. Usually by definition, a marriage between two partners entails monogamy. Keeping couples faithful is at the root of many societal laws and customs that attempt to promote childrearing while curbing sexual desires. Let us review the rather uninformed rather unenlightened state of marriage as it is now practiced (and I do mean practiced, because few get it right). Between 17 and 24 years of age, when people are at an age least qualified under present modern, commercially inundated, cultural settings, to make such decision, is the time when they are under most pressure from peers and family to do just that. Fortunately all over the world young people are rebelling against this ill-advised ideal, and marrying later and later, many opting not to marry at all. The society in their ignorance of the cultural realities of their first error of sanctifying marriage for selfish reasons, fail to understand why monogamy never has and never will work.

Marriages stayed together because people were afraid of family pressures, wrongly asserted by women afraid to leave abusive marriage partners and enforcing upon their offspring the same ignorance as “tradition”. The divorce rate began to skyrocket as women learned they could earn a living independent of men. The fears, insecurities, envy, jealousy of spouses, have made relating more difficult in an already unnatural setting called marriage. Just because society, out of false morality structures, have not given a free will of choice between monogamy, polygamy or celibacy – polygamy is practiced in the form of an ugly term called “adultery”.

Men by nature were born to be hunters, whereas women naturally chose to be home-makers. If given a choice and one is true to oneself (de-conditioned), men would like to be homeless wanderers. It is the woman who likes to tie him down to becoming a husband and a father, not realising that it is a conditioning that society has fabricated and fed with the mother’s milk, to keep him “in control”. But has failed miserably.

If you wonder about statistics, in every sexual survey done, an average of 75% of all married persons admitted to adultery and the majority admitted to serial-adultery or adultery with more than one person regularly. I say admitted to adultery, because many people, under such conditions, for a variety of reasons, will not admit that they have done something “wrong”. Many others will deny that they have had intercourse outside of their marriage.

The truth? It is hard to find a monogamous relationship by choice. More so, the rest of 15% may not physically practice adultery (I would prefer to call it relationship with another without marriage – adultery again sounds so “society-bound- (il)legal” definition!), but every (wo)man is so bored of his marital status, that in mind/matter (pornography, internet) is always tempting – most don’t indulge in a relationship outside marriage simply due to lack of courage or conditioning.

Indians make a great show of monogamy, but in reality, they practice polygamy with their clandestine “affairs”, “extra-marital relationships” or “heavy petting, oral sex”. It is of interest to note that many countries in the world today have outlawed polygamy. Taking a second wife, even with the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of the law. On the other hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge or consent, is perfectly legitimate as far as the law is concerned! What is the legal wisdom behind such a contradiction? Is the law designed to reward deception and punish honesty? It is one of the unfathomable paradoxes of our modern ‘civilized’ world.

“Without trying to simplify a complex situation too much, there’s a basic tension between biology on one side and society on the other side”, said psychologist Tom W. Smith, Director and principal investigator of the widely cited General Social Survey (GSS) conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, which gauges sexual attitudes and behaviours. “Biology simply wants a male and a female to mate together and the female to become pregnant — that’s all biology wants. But societies want to perpetuate themselves, too”.

Monogamy, as practised today, is like a game of musical chairs where you sit briefly and get up for the next chair so that somebody else can jump on the chair you just left. The reason monogamists give for criticizing polygamists is moral and is based on the ethic of one man, one wife, whereas Polygamy is the most ancient practice found in all human societies and almost every non-human oxygen breathing life form.

Empowerment of Truth

What is the truth of “TRUTH”? Is it the opposite of lies? LIES.

Truth is when we have the courage and freedom to take the risk of saying things the way they are – about ourselves first and only then to the other. Truth is the challenge of living and empowering ourselves for getting out of the hypocrisy mould of being “ever polite, pleasant or silent” with the pretext of our subconscious mind telling us “it will hurt/spoil my image/create tension with argument” if truth be told.

Truth does not hurt the other – the hurt is because somewhere you have touched the raw nerve of the other’s lie, which s/he may be telling to herself/himself and that which has become a part of her/his “mask”.

Truth is not rudeness. Truth is not being judgemental. Truth is what applies to self, the way it applies to the other.

The human psyche since childhood is adorned with so many masks, that it never reveals its original face. Slowly, we are layered with masks of hypocrisy for survival in this world, where every “other” is revealing a similar mask. Masking our original selves never allows us to really touch the other’s heart and soul; Masking never allows us to bask in the sunshine and warmth of purity of relationships; Masking creates unseen barriers where the faces closest to you remain the farthest.

The danger of experiments with truth, where so many masks are being projected, is that you may become isolated and alone, where only fellow travellers are the ones with courage – rare and few, instead of a jungle of “bodies”.

Question – Are you not isolated NOW?