Dynamics of Love & Duty
“I love you, but how can I leave my marital home legally as I am bound by duty to look after my children! I feel torn apart and do not know what to do?” – A statement that stunned my dear friend who had a twelve year long relationship with this married man. He was not like one of those “I will have a side but discreet affair” types – he was a rarest of rare species of those men who truly, openly and honestly loved my friend, but when the moment of decision to move-in occurred, these were his words (I will mention her dis-empowering decision on this too later- so you male species may not claw out my eyes!), that later tore the relationship apart.
In this hypocritical society that we live, adorned with many masks – besides other unconscious facts, it is ingrained in the male bone and marrow (yes, this is a very male/masochistic trait, as woman have no choice) that love and duty are one and the same emotion. Most of the men are fed in their mother’s milk that they are duty-bound – towards their mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, children, society, country… well, it is an exhaustive list… burdening them with a ego-centric feel of being the power centre! Yes, I use both the words “burden” and “power” deliberately, as internally even if they feel totally depleted within their hearts and souls, the “good boy” power game keeps them going – for more.
Love is an emotion that is a happening, not doing. Love carries that energy of empowerment which uplifts one’s inner being to a sense of exhalation in its expansiveness. Love may be sensual, sexual or spiritual – it does not really matter, because in that defining moment (termed as aha!), the sense of freedom and bliss reign supreme. It is the only emotion gifted to human beings by this universe/God/existence (you may name whatever!) that gives a “thumbs-down” sign to the mind, which crumbles under this unknown energy. It is not a “mind game” but God’s play, or the leela.
Duty is totally a mind and a very male game. It is a doing that dis-empowers the soul and crushes all the soft edges that has been bestowed to us by this universe/God/existence. It is a conditioning that the society feeds, so that a man is never free. Men live in love-less marriages of being a provider, parental subservience in the name of respect, while their ego-centric mind feeds them with duty-bound beliefs. Men, who could have flowered into beautiful souls; Men, who could be in loving partnerships; Men, who have a better capability of being great meditators due to their ease-ness in being alone – these very species lie buried under the acts of duty, very bored with life in its existing form. Thus, they are bound to look for “exciting ventures” – the most common being “women”!
It is a total shift in empowerment that is required. That which is created with awareness of self, with conscious choices made to stand by the emotions that are related to freedom and joy. If a relationship is throbbing and pulsating with these two emotions – between man and woman; between parents and children – it is worth an exploration which will lead you to a path of greater spiritual freedom, as it is Love.
Rest, is all a Duty!
Section:: Empowered Gender
