(s) MOTHER- ing

A word of caution: It is only about women, for women and by women. They form this lineage of change of defining Mother-hood.

Do you feel

• motherhood is the last mile of fulfilment to be defined a “complete woman?”
• creation of a child completes a “woman,” whereas men’s creativity can only fulfilled through external sources?
• for a woman, her children should be the first priority, beyond her own self?
• a mother always, in any situation, wants the best for her child?

If your answer to any/all of the above is a “yes,” then you are not reading the right space of empowerment.

The origin of this word “Mother,” “Ma”, “Mama” still remains a mystery. This mystery gets into further depth when Indian mythology brings in the definition of

“strength (shakti) with exceptional love towards all (matritva), actually merging it with defining brhamaand or the universe.

I am quite amused at the loaded responsibility a woman gets from the peripheral operational energies as a girl child. It amuses me further at the expectations of deliverables that this universal definition puts on a soul with a humane body. It sickens me to see the struggles that millions of women go through to prove their mettle “because I am a mother!”

Let us begin from the very beginning.

A girl child looks at the only female body as the first touch – it is called “Mummy”, “Mama”, “Mata,” and more in various dialects. This body does not only feed her food, but also fodder of feelings. This body generates energy that is felt by each cell, bone and marrow of the girl child, as she shares a generic wave of the pool of female-ness.

A girl turned woman is also brought up with this claim, that, that a mother always wants the best for her (can be read as for all her children). It is a far cry from the real truth.

A woman, especially in India that is not defined and confined in its Metros-exual cities, but in small towns where IQ’s & EQ’s are mis-matched, waits for that special moment where a meagre sexual encounter (s) delivers the discovery of her pregnancy. This takes shape under various situations and circumstances, few pointers as below:

• Must get pregnant with-in two years of her marriage (if not before).

Her knowledge and decisions are never questioned

• Must get pregnant, if her marriage is not working. Then, there will be no escape
• Must get pregnant by all means, as only then she is a “complete woman”

The above reasons of giving birth to a child makes her a mother by name not by actions. Such mothers, who have inability to make choice/s, choose the inevitable. They, who are already posted as weaker sections of a male-dominated society, exhibit their feebler strength on the dependent infant – her child. Thus, begins a tumultuous journey of that God’s child into hands of an (im)moral parent, called Mother. She redirects all her unfulfilled ambitions, frustrations, anger with harassment, by smothering the child slowly but steadily – till the wounds get engraved in the innocent heart for years of her youth, middle age and if not taken care of – from the cradle to the grave.

If footsteps are traced back, it will not be a surprising revelation that the violent environment of the world today, comprises mostly of these wounded children, whose bodies may have achieved adulthood, but souls have still not healed.

In this millennial, where feminism is not restricted to be defined as bra-burning women, but those who have equally empowered physical bodies, matched with their demanding desires with power of their intellectual and spiritual beauty. Such an empowered mother, who has not birthed a child into this world by giving in to pressures of social norms, but by her inner choice/s. She lives and breathes her own freedom with loving care, which reflects in an evolved empowered human being, much needed in the world today.

Mother-hood is not accomplished by birthing. That is a job accomplished by animals. Mother-ing is realized, when women adorn that role with responsibility of love and a spiritual caring.

Let us, as women, be very vigilant on reasons of bringing God’s soul into our bodies; let us, as women, pledge that body an unconditional love and caring protection; let us, as women, be cautious not to commit a sin for the highest honor bestowed on us by Grace – as SHE found us worthy.

AKA’s – In the land of Rising Sun

“I married eight times. There are five alive now. Three have died. But I have not forced anyone. I like the woman, she likes me, that’s how I get them. I got eight. In cities people have many women hidden, leave them and then get another. But in my life, whosoever I married, I have shown the world and kept all of them,” is what Govardhan Nimasow defines polygamy, much legalised within the community of a rare tribe of Arunachal Pradesh – the Aka’s.

Arunachal Pradesh, a State in the North Eastern part of India, can also be termed as one of the largest tribal belts, hosting 26 major tribes with about 100 sub tribes. A virgin ecosystem, Arunachal is an exquisite journey of nature’s splendour – with waterfalls springing across tall mountain peaks to mystical lakes shimmering with icicles on varied shades of blue hues dancing to sun changing positions as well as, chanting monasteries.

Amidst this sojourn, I meandered into the most visited part of Incredible India, constituting of the Bomdilla – Tawang – Indo – China Border route. It was on research of a tribus clan of the Aka’s, whose history and geography are as much hidden as their origin. Aka’s history is veiled in mystery. “The time period is difficult to mention because there are no records. In the mythology and as per the narrations given by the village elders during the field study when I conducted, most of the village elders have narrated in this way as this is the origin of Aka’s,” says Dr Gibji Nimasow, Professor and researcher at Rajiv Gandhi University, Itanagar. An Aka tribal himself, Dr Gibji’s research constituting of books, periodicals, journals on the tribe are a rare insight into history of Aka’s.

Although the legend goes that they carry a lineage from Mahabharata, the Indian epic, claiming their ancestors living in Pratapgarh on the banks of Giladhari river, north of Bishwanath and were ousted from there by Lord Krishna and Balram – thus migrating from plains to the hills due to this feud. “That’s a story,” says Gibji with a smile. “They actually came from Tibet side, settled down towards the plains, to again return back to the mountains.”

An AKA Village

THE AKA’s

Mountains of their abode, belongs to a tough path towards Southern Kameng districts of Arunachal – a long six – hour tough journey from the district headquarter Bomdilla. The realisation came, when I decided to uncover the mystery of the tribe while travelling towards three of their villages that lay hidden amongst dense forests and hilltops of roads built on boulders. Thrizino, Palizi and Subu beckoned me into their lap of natural habitat of colourful Aka’s.

Aka tribe, all of ten to fifteen thousand in number, are divided into two main sub tribes – One is Hrusso and another is Koro. Those who are inhabited in West Kameng district, they are known as Hrusso and those that are settled in East Kameng district are known as Koro. There is not much difference culturally speaking, but the difference is only in dialect. The dialect which is spoken by the Hrusso sub tribe is different, totally different from the sub tribe of Koro.

Arunachal Pradesh is gifted with one of the richest biodiversity in the world where the religion of the Tribals belong to “Land, Forest and Water”

Since generations, tribals have protected all three in various indigenous ways that the world today needs to learn as a part of conservation ecosystem. They have a symbiotic relationship between forest ecology and the livelihood of people.

The Hilltop Dwellers – A typical Aka House

“Our core belief is the practice of Nyezino, which is combination of two Aka terms, Nyez means sky and No means Earth. We call them as Thow and Gew – Thow means rearer and Thow means feeder.  This makes us believe that all the mountains, river sources, big stones, big trees and all, has their own owner. We have to do something, we have to extract something from that area, then first of all we have to appease the owner of the land. Then only we can go for extraction or exploitation of that area or the “spirits of nature” will punish us,” says Miali Sidisow, an Aka social worker who keeps telling stories of the tribe to younger generation “so that we do not get erased in the modern world.”

Aka’s have their own laws of administration where crime and punishment are served in traditional ways – that is set-up by the village elders called Gaon Buda (Village elder) since generations. A thief is judged by the traditional village council is known as Meye that consists of Headman called Bagha with two gibba as aides with compulsory representation from each household.

AKA VILLAGE COUNCIL called Meye in progress at Subu Aka village

The meeting began with a traditional breakfast, cooked and served by beautifully dressed Aka women of that village, creating harmony and togetherness for beginning of this day. The place for holding all meetings Nyetrii Psigha considered sacred is prepared traditionally, for council and other festivities.

The Bagha makes rules in consultation with the tribe in the village council which is mainly threefold, judicial, administrative and developmental. A thief who had stolen, was present at Subu Aka village, led by the priest and then to a location in the forest. The admittance of punishment will decide the fate of the thief. After a brief prayer ritual, the thief has to walk within the bamboo laden with thorns and put his hand inside bamboo containing boiling water.

His denial to both, is proven guilty… thus justice served.

“There are certain things that are imprinted in the culture of the Akas where the role of priest is very important. As the number of priests are declining, Aka’s are facing difficulty in performing all rituals – be it administration, marriage, hunting or any other. Priest cannot be made. We believe that priests are transferred from one generation to another,” explains Dr Gibji.

One such rare priest that I had a fortunate bid to meet and film with was Jampra Desisow, who explained how long traditional yet modern marriage ceremony is conducted for six long months or more. Aka’s have never heard of an “arranged match” as it is always the freedom of the girl and the boy to choose their own partner.

“ On knowledge of the son’s preference, a negotiator is sent by the father to the girl’s home. On mutual agreement, the knots in a string are tied thus fixing a date based on the last knot, for the marriage ceremony. Mithun (resembling a buffalo, being the most revered animal of the Aka’s), is the gift from the groom, with the bride’s family equally honouring by return gifts carried to the groom’s home,” states the Priest.

MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN AN AKA HOME

All the women of the village had beauty tattoed on their faces. Termed sachiphiu, tattoing is the nomenclature of this tribe with its distinct identification and separateness from neighbouring tribes. Traditionally, the girl reaching puberty is tattoed thus barring her from eating meat, till her marriage. On the marriage eve, as the girl enters the grooms home, she is fed meat by the groom amidst celebrations.

TATTOING or Sachiphiu AN AKA GIRL ATTAINED PUBERTY

Polygamy seems to be the norm of their lives, with a well-to-do man taking on as many as 5-10 wives. They call it by various names, such as Sarorate – man marrying wife’s sister, Levirate where the woman marries husband’s brother after his death and Edogamy where marriage is within one’s own social group giving tradition of a preserved cultural lineage.

“These traditions are slowly fading away, as education of younger generation, is calling it evil system of disempowerment,” says Sang Dorjee, an Aka political leader, who also leads self-help groups to make women aware of their rights.

But within the home and life of five wives of Govardhan Nimasow, the scenario I viewed was an amazing milieu of love and laughter. “ We feel like we are in a girls hostel,” says his third wife Netan Nimasow with a childlike laughter.“We never fight,” says wife number five Jabom Nimasow, “We respect what the elder didi tells us, as she shares everything.” There was an empowering openness on discussing sharing of the man. “ When my Mr. keeps his headgear in my bedroom, I know that it is my chance to sleep with him that night,” says Netan without a blink of her eyelid, which would put disempowerment questionable.

GOVARDHAN NIMASOW, HEADMAN PALIZI AKA VILLAGE with his FIVE WIVES

Aka’s women are empowered as they hold rights to Agricultural land, are in the Gram Panchayat, speak fluent Hindi with younger generation going to school. Their farming on high hilltops termed Jhum has all its produce organic, as explains Rinchin Dema, an Aka farmer woman on why burning crop does not cause pollution. “First we cut the grass and dry it for a month, then make fire lines, then we burn it. We then see the land and then decide what should be planted in it. In some places we plant rice, in some we plant pumpkins, some places we plant sweet potatoes, some places we plant colocasia – basically we plant according to that particular land’s suitability. The benefits of our Jhum cultivation is that when we burn fire lines, the ash is used as pesticides and fertilizer unlike what you do in your cities. That is why we do not suffer from many diseases,” she ends with a satisfied grin on her beautiful face.

Aka’s lives are celebrated inspite of their lack of luxurious lifestyle, which they are unaware of. Their simplicity of innocence is showered by the natural ecology that surrounds them. They believe that “hurting a leaf and a stone or water without its permission and prayer, will hurt our homes” and “hunting is only for food whenever necessary, but 10 day penance is done if any elephant, tiger or pregnant deer is killed by mistake.”

FILMMAKER ANU RADHA with an AKA CRAFTSWOMAN

Master crafts men and women weave clothes and headgear from the local produce. Aka dress pasa is self – woven from locally grown plant mumdra; Man wear a small garment hanging below the shoulder to the knees, with a long piece tied to the waist termed Shashi Chupeo. A coat woven in rough cotton hanging from shoulder to waist called Shashi-pholu, with undergarment termed Wopu. Women wear a garment that hangs from the shoulders and red coat Shashi pholu colours them bright. Legs are covered by a piece of cloth called Gudu, giving protection from dam-dum flies, which cause acne swelling in the whole body. Unique headgears miisanga and ghaga adorn men while women being women, adorn themselves with exquisite traditional ornaments. Bamboo is their livelihood, with all its produce woven for household usage as well as, protective gear.

Music and dance are an inherent culture in the life of all tribals, so it is with Aka’s. Invited to see their biggest celebration Nyetrii Dow is a colourful feast to eyes and a dancing heart. “Nyetrii Dow festival for us is important because our Aka tribe villages spread all across, Nyetrii Dow is special as we meet each other, know each other; relatives who stay far meet here in Nyetrii Dow festival. We pray to God that our harvest should be good and all village people should be protected from any disease, and we have blessings from God,” says Hima, the Gram Chairperson dressing in her finery.

DANCING, DRESSING & CELEBRATING – NYETRII DOW FESTIVAL

There is a lot of teachings and learnings as a takeaway gift for an urban wanderer. The dense greenery with meditative silence where the only sound is of a rare insect or a natural waterfall which transforms and is preserved as a swimming pool, with majestic mountainous peaks over small hilltops laden with stones – Aka’s reverence to their ecology, is a study map for world’s conservationists.

NO. Gender. Abuse.

A reader may be perplexed by the use of a title that leads into a scratching mind-game, as an intellectual would term it. Are you? Well, let us dig a bit deeper into defining it – word-by-word.

NO: No Objection; No Ownership; No Oppression; Or simply, NO.

Gender: Male or Female, right? Wrong. To be read as: Bisexual, Straight, Gay, Transgender

Abuse: Four letter words? Nah! Although I shall expand this later, but it begins with the silent communication through five senses. Touch, Smell, See, Hear, Taste.

Make a Connection. Say NO to Abuse by/for/of any Gender.

Let us start to define abuse, and when does the seed become the germ? Flashback your lives to the time where memory fails. If you have a bright spark, you may reach age 4.

Abuse begins much early. It is when you make a choice of a set of parents to be born – as seers would say, to learn some lessons/karma theory. It begins when you are just planted as a seed in a mother’s womb. How you get planted, is where the case in question begins. And, make no mistake. It is not only if the male participant was forceful/ rapist/non-accepting (of course, most cases it may be the patriarchy) in the ‘act’, but the fe-male (physical body of a woman may have more of male-ness in with-in) can also be the violent role-player of being intrusive, obsessive and passively-active into forceful impregnation.

This is STEP 1 of Abuse. Of which, you are a helpless victim.

This helpless-ness is a continuum by so-called “adults,” and should be forgiven till you become an Adult – in chronological age, not necessary in being.

Till you reach a reasonable adult age, approved by legal honchos, of 18 years (now is reducing in a quick time space of a 12 year old, as I they open their mouths and minds!), you are in a constant abusive space of adults – homemade parental weapon wars (weapons to be read as mouth, hands, feet), grandparents ego-ic (misnomer termed heroic) saviour behaviour patterns for their own kin (son or daughter – you don’t matter, a child!), neighbourhood prying judgemental eyes (ill- legal guardians of this galaxy’s correctional therapists), school teachers (moral in their own immoral behavioural patterns of control therapy), relatives (to be read as incest infusing freaks), and so on so forth.

This is STEP 2 of Abuse. Again, you are partially disabled/challenged child-adult in the situation. You are dependent, and forgiven with scars and wounds that will now attract more of it.

It is here one has to learn and unlearn.

Learn definition of Abuse, while unlearning it.

So let us use a case in scenario. You have lived through STEP 2 and now are in the world. Let us say you have checked all the correct boxes – done well academically, socially and have become master of many masks ranging from scholar badges, parents presenting you as their achievements in the drawing room conversations as well as, you have stepped-up by wearing the toughest mask of a Happy Family/ Family is most important/ Family holidays so on and so forth.

Technically, you have a body of a man or a woman as the third gender (if it was in STEP 1) is already wailing somewhere else. Your scars/ wounds are well covered/suppressed in some corner – till you stand on the threshold of fresh abuse of a partner.

Here is where Gender will do a walk-in.

Thus, a straight (if straight really knows their sexual preference) will have a partner termed “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”; a gay will have same sex partner; a transgender will be oscillating still trying to fit-in.

Let us also bring the NO here, that we had left behind. All definitions inclusive.

If your partner makes you feel any of the NO definitions, you are being Abused. It may be as subtle as uttering a “you don’t know anything so shut-up” (with a cynical laugh or in an anger – you have been abused. If you accept this, abuse raises it’s bar up by moving into “who has more power mentally and emotionally” (physical does not need a mention, it is so gross!).

Let me define mental & emotional power games that adults play, any Gender.

The male gender of course has (never had) no sense of any spatial boundaries. As HE owns it all. Hence, if you are a daughter, you are owned by a father and a brother; if you are a wife, then the ownership is shared between father, father-in-law with mother-in-law and son/s; if you are a working woman outside your home, this boundary extends further in hierarchy of male-ness in the surrounding spaces. You are in the last rung of this long ladder of self-proclaimed owners, who stand on your shoulders (or wherever they can find a foot-hold) and then expect your to move their ladder the way they want.

So it starts by, “I have to ask my husband/father/brother/son as they may not like it,” to a very simple act of going out with friends (ok – girlfriends!) with a fear factor of doing so without permission and then justifying “his” unjustifiable anger upon return – “He is right, something may have happened; he is just being protective as he loves me.”

This is not love. It is an abuse of power. Simple.

While Male-ness have played this game for generations, now the power abuse has also shifted it’s position to the so-called (dis) empowered women, demanding equal male rights (as if it is a star quality!).  While the bedroom politics has shifted ‘positions’, women assert that even if they are not working outside of their homes, the partner (who may have a 12 hour job) must do 50% of sharing home-work – Just Do It baby! Men/ husband suffer the insufferable, as they do not want to have a verbal chaos after a long day/night job OR some smart alecs start “travelling on work,” to have some peace in their lives.

This is abuse, Man. Get out!

Now, let us focus on Love. The most used and abused word/feeling/relationship.

The so-called lovers come in many forms, in various packages.

The 18 – 30 years: We meet; we “discuss” in coffee lounges/hotels rooms/parks as is convenient to the power-ful partner’s choice of “respect.”

Well, if you are hidden, introduced as a “friend” or never invited home by your partner…

You are being abused.

The 30 and 65 (divorced/single by choice/widow): You are lonely; meet committed partners; offered intense attraction due to lame reasons of “non-compatible housewife/husband”, “no meaningful conversation at home,” “cannot commit as I am liberal/ empowered/ open”… blah, blah…; your meetings are discreet, mostly telephonic, late night conversations, partner is away, caveats on calling/meeting socially…..

You are being abused.

Beyond the 70’s

You are now a senior citizen. You may be financially independent but emotionally/mentally dependent on the children you raised. These very hands/minds/heart that raised them, are now being subjugated to could not care/do it yourself/demands of financial support/you do not know anything…

You are being abused.

Conclusive diagram

It is not that the above writing is an eye-opener; It is not even an empowerment bhashan.

Because, each one of our nerve in the vein of life knows when abuse happens.

We have never learnt to say NO. Our grain, cells, bone, marrow shrieks. But, we never say NO to Abuse.

What does it entail? Why do we refuse to say NO? Fear loneliness?

Do you see your abuser holding your hand in this mirage of relationships? Never.

Signs/Language of Abuse

• You have no sense on what you talk/eat/dress/think/read/listen/watch
• Do not give your stupid opinions in front of my friends/family/colleagues
• It is my house and your opinion does not matter/should not be spoken/ asserted
• I love you so much, but I have my family/wife/children thus we need to be discreet; Don’t call me, I will call you (waiting endlessly is YOUR job);
• We can’t meet/recognize/introduce socially, as you know how media may think/act/make stories
• I am the father and this is my decision (to a divorced/single daughter) on who will stay in my house. Although, I would not like you to leave, but then you can decide if this situation does not suit you (daughter vs her children; daughter vs society; daughter vs servants – in any situation, daughter is the last choice)
• I do not care about what society/ parents think, but I need my comfort and thus you will have to see my comfort first
• You are a bystander in and around abusive situations, as an equal participant
• You are scared of a person who is your family/friend/partner/colleague
• You are receiving text messages/phone calls/ social media messages from a person to whom you may have said YES at a certain point in time, but now you have said NO

Caution: Gender’s, if you are in a physical and foul language relationship/s, then you are not what God created.

Law says:

NOTHING, unless there are signs of physical abuse, the law says NOTHING to mental and emotional abuse. There are cases that takes years to come to a conclusion, if any, for emotional and mental abuse.

Well, stand up and stand out. See, Hear, Smell Freedom with Respect.

Walk out and walk away – as Grace has bestowed you this being for respecting and loving yourself. If you allow abuse to happen, you have abused the power of Grace/God/Energy, whatever you would like to call this force.

Say NO to Abuse. Right at the very moment. NOW!

Read

• https://www.hindustantimes.com/india/how-much-is-too-much/story-kFrYyNPJQJ7B7Ay8MPuAXI.html
• https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/emotional-and-verbal-abuse
• https://feminisminindia.com/2018/08/06/emotional-abuse-psychological/

Ø  Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No: Making Life Right When It Feels All

by Herbert Fensterheim Ph.D. (Author), Jean Baer (Author)

Ø  Emotional Abuse Breakthrough Scripts: 107 Empowering Responses and Boundaries to Use With Your Abuser by Barrie Davenport  (Author)

Empowerment vs Harassment

The force with-in

Awareness, Prevention, Action against

 Sexual Harassment at Workplace

Generations before and Generations beyond, the power struggle is a continuum, taking a much more complex structure in this century, across the globe.

How do we define power struggle in an Indian context? Is it a Man vs Woman aspect, or is it YOU (in bold for the more powerful) versus Me (-ek less powerful), or is it beyond any definite definition?

Let us look around our scenarios of spaces, both with-in and outside environs. Harassment termed sexual is a serious problem across all genders, with the pendulum gravitating more towards women in India. It constitutes of poor understanding of what constitutes sexual harassment, both at societal and organizational level.

POSH says..

Prevention of Sexual Harassment (Prevention, Prohibition, Redressal) Act of 2013 was a landmark legal law that changed the Indian landscape, especially in the work spaces for women. It made it mandatory for organizations to create a safe and secure environmental space for working women, known as Vishaka guidelines created by Supreme Court of India, after a long drawn legal battle over rape of an Indian social development worker.

POSH act is specifically designed to benefit women, but the work spaces that have evolved in India, are geared up towards gender neutral workshops.

Awareness, Prevention, Action is defined…

Solving the issue by raising awareness of Sexual Harassment and methodologies that enable empowerment on the subject to TAKE ACTION. The effectiveness can be by various methodologies, but as in Indian context the audio-visual medium remains one of the most powerful mediums of Direct communication to create Awareness, Prevention, Action against ABUSE of any kind, but more specifically Sexual Intimidation or Sexual Harassment, especially at work spaces.

Women, who are the main stakeholders/ bearers of sexual harassment, may not even be aware of it happening, unless it is extremely upfront and gross. Men equally bear the brunt, but can still be categorized in a rare category. Other genders equal the unawareness and harassment faced by women.

But before any gender can start defending themselves, they need a deeper understanding and knowledge of this phenomenon, as it is very ingrained in a women’s life – that she has to demand respect, otherwise she will/may not receive it from the men around her.

In India, #MeToo has evoked a wildfire of awareness amongst all genders, but a deeper understanding on empowerment and awareness of harassment, is the only way forward for action. Approach to empowerment legal and social, is the first step towards prevention of sexual harassment.

Audio-Visual storytelling….in India, for Indians, by Indians

Sexual harassment at workplace has many defining points, but they are very broad classification/s for any gender’s basic understanding. Women at workplace must understand how and when she feels “not safe,” in her work space, as the harassment can range from as subtle as a smile or as gross as physical intimidation.

SH Act has made it mandatory for employers to have a Anti Sexual Harassment Policy (ICC), Conduct workshops for training and sensitization of employees, submit reports of conducting such workshops etc., These workshops include various elements to create awareness, training and sensitization, where Audio-Visual plays a very powerful medium of communication.

It is mostly noted, that, the Audio-Visuals presented in the workshops have a very western set-up, where characterization, spaces and harassment are in a different context, not related to the Indian milieu of surroundings and social context. This creates a disconnect with the audience, as it makes them feel that “this happens there, not here.”

Also, we must understand that India does not live in metro cities, but constitutes mostly of small cities and towns classified as B,C or D. Thus, the AV set-up must contain contents and set-up related to these surroundings. It also makes an easier understanding for women who have migrated for working in metros, belonging to these cities and towns.

As a Film maker working on Gender and Children based films, it is impertinent that we present audio-visual material/s related to Indian concept of – “Me & You”, instead of “Them.”

 Understanding and awareness for prevention  – Indian context

India is a land of story tellers. We like to tell and hear stories, more so that speaks to us about ourselves and then about others, thus creating a safe environment of an impactful message dissemination in the Indian context.

We must also understand that, an Indian women/ girl child are raised in a very different environment than the West. She is extremely protected (most times to the point of suffocating her freedom) by her family, mostly is sent to “all girls school and college,” is often tracked on her social engagements (friends, outings etc.,), limited knowledge of sex education, intimate liaison with male gender is not accepted as a rule (this does not include sexual intimacy at all), female vs male demarcations are very clear with latter being the preferred gender…there are many more such contexts that can be detailed.

We need to begin by creating messaging through empowering women in her work space by educating her on various terms of sexual harassment in her work space, based on her sensibilities and sensitivity of her upbringing in an Indian household – as, everything begins at home, for both genders.

Protection for the Protector – Really?

– Those who stay in Old Age Homes

Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair – Mitch Albom

I often watch teary-eyed fathers & mothers on National Television, Tabloids, online (you name it, they are there!) relating their woes of having ungrateful, rebellious, modern-generation… children (latter may please be read as “adults”) who “suddenly one day left us/threw us (read as parents/protectors) in an old age home…”

Well, First – nothing is “suddenly” !? It is no like – “suddenly, I had an accident” or “suddenly, we had guests who turned out to be villains” or “suddenly, I discovered that my own body had a tumour” (??!) What is so “suddenly” between children and parents? Never, have I understood these most unobtrusive statements, agreed and appalled at by the interviewer (who, may himself may be contemplating sending his parent to an old age home – please forgive gender usage, as it can be “her” too).

There is nothing sudden between those that bore you and those that got “burdened” by that birth – for life.

Let us begin at the beginning.

CHAPTER 1

It is often said that the child chooses parents. I do not know. Perhaps.

Do our parents choose us? Most often than not, the choice is sex, not the child. So the choice marked with pleasure, lust, anger (yes, anger leads to sex. How else do the men & women “make-up” for the fight, silly?), masochism… and other kinky reasons of drugs & drinking.

The child is born – innocence, beauty & grace of God revealing itself at its best.

Mostly never seen by “parents/protector”. They are given a new position with 3 Cs as job responsibilities – Control, Criticism & Comparison. The Primal Scream is a word most prevalent by these authoritative protectors is – NO.

The child understand his “criminal record” of being punished is “dependency”.

I must never, ever forget to add incest / child sexual abuse, rampant within families, where the abuser (if he is not the father himself) is never punished by these parents/protectors.

Seeds of anger for revenge, unknown to all, including the dependent takes a breeding ground.

The child is scarred, within.
CHAPTER 2

Teenager, Adult (never treated as one of course, by parents/protectors!)

Depending on the individual traits, this (revenge) is repressed, suppressed (read as respect to elders), while others start flaunting it at a young age (read as attention seeking behavior) – anger, crying, compulsive disorders, substance and other abuse.

Do parents/protectors “STOP”?

Never.

They continue their 3 Cs with much more fervor and gusto at all platforms – school, college, friends, neighbours, relatives (read as, “see, the well behaved/academically bright/polite… their children are…”). Never mind, if well behaved/academically bright/polite children belong to the first category – yes, you got it right (suppressed, repressed…), and are internally sowing more seeds than the latter category (aggressive, rebellious…) who have been forced to be the respectable face of parents/protectors – and, hate it!

The adult is wounded, within.

CHAPTER 3

Marriage.
Now, the hell breaks loose! The W.I.F.E* (read as mother of the son) lifetime desire of 3 Cs (which up till now was only her husband’s prerogative) gets completely fulfilled targeting “the other woman” (son’s wife).

Rest, is well known!

The sonny boy, whose seed (of revenge) has flowered into a family tree, gets a pleasurable feel at role reversals – frail age of parents and dependency!

Do parents give up?

Not yet. If they have the power of money, the silent 3 C’s grow like a creeper – on the needs of the sonny boy, if any!

If you are a daughter ( & have been rebellious, but are in need), the creeper is ready to choke you by that power!

The wounds become dark and seething.

CHAPTER 4 – TBD (To Be Diagnosed)

Following questions may please be answered. In complete naked truth. With- In the silences, of your own conscience self.

• Do you truly “feel” the feeling when you say (to yourself & others) I love my children/kids?
  
• Do you/Can you leave your children to do whatever they want and still “love”? (includes running away, pursuing a non-earning career, choosing partners to live-in…the list is endless)
• Can you live & love without advising (read as “interfere”) your adult (read as – from age 14 years) children?
• Can you support your children (emotionally, mentally, and financially) even if they turn law-breakers (the extreme)?
• Can you stand besides and for your children when they face their worst humiliations?

IF the answers to all of the above are truly a YES, your children will never ever send you to an old age home. If it is a YES, they will also never turn into law breakers…etc., etc., as mentioned above (Examples were to create an extreme sense of test – of your love).
IF it is a NO/MAYBE, your children would and should send you to an old age home.

A POINT OF CAUTION:

I have coined Parents as one entity, as a wife is (expected) just a *W.I.F.E – i.e.Willing, Involved (with Husband & Family of the Husband only), F……k (we can all fill-in-the-blanks), Emotion (Crying, Tantrum, Sentimental – defined by Husband and His family only.

*METRO – SEXUAL/SENSUAL (whatever!) & FEMINISTS – BEWARE BEFORE GIVING RHETORIC COMMENTS: Remember, the REAL INDIA constitutes (perhaps) 10 % of your kind!

• It is only the SON (Sonny Boy!) that gets an “opportunity” to put his parents in an old age home, as the daughter usually goes to another sonny boy’s home.
• DAUGHTERS are rare, who sends her parents to old age homes, in spite of all of the above that is equally shared between a son and a daughter. She will have the seed, but she may usually find positive ways to dissolve it OR be alone (away from her parents).

The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him more. Appreciate what is good in him rather than emphasizing what is bad. Talk about his goodness. Let the whole neighborhood know how nice and beautiful a boy he is. You may be able to shift his energy from the bad side to the good side, from the dark side to the lighted side, because you will make him aware that this is the way to get respect, this is the way to be honored. And you will prevent him from doing anything that makes him fall down in people’s eyes.

– OSHO

Divorced… but Married?

I was looking at a frail Indian (ex) Superstar Rajesh Khanna waving from the balcony of his much once-upon-a-time tourist location of India – his bungalow Aashirwaad. And, no one could miss the most gorgeous woman/mother/grandmother of our times – actress Dimple Kapadia behind him! Then, the Superstar passed way. And, behind him mourning was again Dimple, the Kapadia! Mourning? Really? What did she share except pain, heartbreak & tears with the man whom we could all die for in his ‘super ‘days!? That’s “our Indian woman” – society salutes, adores and gives respect to this martyr image of single, legally divorced & (dis) empowered woman!

Now, let’s turn the chapter.

Saif Ali Khan. The Indian actor and a Nawab (Prince). Eloped and married at 21 to the empowered firebrand actress daughter of Rukhsana Sultan – Amrita Singh. Many years of matrimony turned tables, as the empowered and strong woman in Amrita Singh could no more accept infidelity (to read as plural!) of her grow, growing and grown-up Saifu! Saif Ali Khan’s journey with women is a public knowledge, leading to marriage with the most gorgeous, young (in age & grey cells?) and talented Kareena Kapoor. Amrita Singh relationship status – Divorced and Single.

I have often wondered, why do only Indian women feel “guilty” if the “protector, provider, providence” (to be read as karmic and actually none of the above) moves on and away from her life? Even if the more empowered (Amrita Singhs & Dimple Kapadias of the world) initiate the proceedings, while the lesser known are “thrown out”, their relationship status (to the world at large) remains – Single and Divorced (full stop).

Does the female libido die out with the 3 Ps (Protector etcetera, etcetera and THE most important ‘P’ HE thinks HE has!!)?? Or, the male libido needs more validation that there is a continuum in his continuity of life, after divorce? Does the desire to have a companion, love and sharing wired differently in God’s creation? The answer is an obvious – NO.

Such is the horrific depth of conditioning in an Indian women, who is fed with (in) mother’s chromosome formation to remain “pure, pious, perfect (to be read as one word – VIRGIN)” and belong only to that one man – to be/ should be/would be printed on her wedding card.

The empowered of Cosmopoliton INDIA are changing slowly, but in the real INDIA (REAL INDIA consists of Muzaffarnagars, Jharkhands and Tumkurs please & not in Mumbai-kars, Delhi-ites & Bangalore-eans…) relationship status remains – Single and Divorced (full stop – of/for life).

The feminist movement has also conditioned many with “I am single by choice”. That’s rare and unreal, with the mind playing its own game of conditioning, and ego patting its back. Under-layered is a desire suppressed and a mind that keeps the announcement tag of, “You are strong, individualistic and independent. So you do not have these lowly, common desires. They are only for the weak & meek. You must rise above and beyond.” (To be read as ‘spiritual’.) OR statements most dis-empowering – “This is a male-dominated society: As long as you have a father, brother, husband – you have standing. Once you don’t have them, you have no importance.”

Change is pertinent. Change is de-conditioning. Change is expression of natural desire.
Change = Relationship Status = Divorced. In a Relationship /Re-married by choice/Exploring personal freedom.

We, The Women

The Rape, the Molestation, the Sexual Harassment, the Violence against women…

Great words; Issue-based debatable topics amongst feminists, gender sensitive media & public;
A very “hot topic for discussion” within families in their drawing rooms, as they watch expert debate on Television over “gang – rape of a 23 year old who died, protest march/es, candle light processions and politician – police bashing… blah, blah, blah!”

All very intellectual and progressive.

This is the mask that a very propah and an urbanized society likes to wear in their small corners of walls they call a “home”.

The reality is very ugly and hidden.

In gross violation, women, teenagers and small girls have been molested, touched at uncomfortable places, verbally and physically beaten, abused at some time or the other in their lives – by a Male.

In a subtle violation, women have been dominated & controlled, “arranged” into marriages without much choice, have been given adjectives such as “loose” “aggressive” “hot tempered” …if expressed choice to be free of bondages and live life on own terms – by a Male.

In a more “intellectual violation”, women have been told that they have been “allowed freedom” to choose friends, lovers, a non-conformist way of life, and that, they have “good husbands/fathers/brothers” (especially the first) because they have “never hit us even once” – by a Male.

A more gross reality is the fact that, molestation, child-sexual abuse and the rest of it, that happens in the confines of the “home” by a perpetrator who is usually the “family” – uncle, brother, cousin (I will not go lower – to a father, but yes, it is…). If found out, it is discussed in hushed tones, blaming the girl/teenager for “provocation of some sort” (why did he not do the same thing – to be read as ‘molest’ – your other cousin/s & only you?), and in the quickest of move, swiped as dust under the drawing room carpets…

…where today,
discussions are focused on the “other” girl raped (what about me?) …capital punishment for rapist (And, the uncle who molested me?) …laws to be redefined (uncle in the drawing room, footloose?)…

“So much hungama over this & roads closed. I had to pick-up the wedding blouse from my tailor….”

Did I hear my mother?

Jo Hansi, Woh Phansi…

Jo Hansi, Woh Phansi

(The one (female) who laughs, is the one who can be “caught easily”)

She died today.

And so did I.

I, the WOMEN of INDIA.

I, the WOMEN, who was always told by “MEN” that the following “excites their male-ness…”

• Talking loud, so that you are heard
• A physical touch of friendship, as it is “physical”
• Sitting with legs wide open and big breasts, is “inviting”
• Clothes that bare, evokes desire to see “more”
• Laughter, that rings loud & clear

..as Jo hansi, woh phansi…

She had never laughed with them.

She only struggled under the “burden” of six “excited ma(d)le-ness” on her fragile body.

And cried for help.

No one came.

No one picked up her cold, naked body for a very long time.

She died.

I Never Use Condoms.

Q. What’s the difference between a man and a condom? 

A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego…

A: “Is it in?”

Did you know, that…

• The federal government of U.S. has spent nearly half a million dollars to fund a study to find out why some men would prefer not to wear condoms during sex.
• The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, a branch of the National Institutes of Health, has awarded a $423,500 grant to researchers at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction.
• The Bloomington, Ind., based research team will use the funding to study “barriers to correct condom use,” according to a release from the institute.

In India, it is very “I am a (He) MAN” statement – “I hate wearing condoms”.

Look around yourself – the boyfriend/husband/friends boyfriend/son (& you thought you raised a feminist son- wrong!) …the statement remains ditto!

Elaborate reasons?
– Feeling experienced during intercourse is altered – and not for the better
– Physical sensation is simply not the same
– Interruption when a couple is in the ‘heat of the moment’ where you have to change focus to something decidedly unromantic. It breaks the mood.

To be noted: Woman is never the focus! And, never asked!
It is only “me, my pleasure, my heated state”….

The above interactions are not derived from the lower strata of society. It comes very blatantly from the so-called intellectual/urban/middle-upper ma(lea)sses!

It is presumed:

• that HIV/AIDS is caused only through sex-workers – definition of sex-workers – multiple partners
• that by definition, all marriages are monogamous – rarely – thus application of “multi-partner”!
• that my boyfriend/girlfriend is “only mine” – dream-situation – thus application of multi-partner!
• that only gay sex leads to HIV/AIDS – there would then be no woman/children suffering from it!
• Last, but not the least – we are beyond the age of producing children – imbecile!

It is only women who “dare to bare” only if they are kept safe, insist on condom usage.
Are YOU one of those empowered women?
Or, Are you a MAN enough?

Then, follow the sensitivity & sensibility of these negotiating powers:

Tourism Buddhism – Travel to Bhutan

I have been incessantly “pulled-in” to places where Buddha’s feet are ingrained – be it Sikkim, Bihar (Ranchi – my birthplace, now renamed Jharkhand), Bangkok… & now Bhutan, where one of the world’s seven tallest statues of Buddha overlooks, blessing its Gross National Happiness quotient (instead of Gross National Product of the materialistic world!!).

Ironic?! Not really, as Buddha’s teachings have resonated in each fibre of my living, inclusive of a master such as Osho.
Journey to Bhutan encompasses sensitivity and sensibility of tourist travel at it’s best – following the principle of sustainability, be it environmentally and ecologically friendly, socially and culturally acceptable and economically viable – tourism in Bhutan is a regulated effort, only to be entertained if you are accompanied by a registered tourist guide.

More than 70 percent of this tiny Buddhist kingdom is forested and outside our car window scrolled every possible shade of green: emerald rice paddies, thick jungles of wild marijuana, silver fir trees draped in moss, and misty, wooded hills laced with prayer flags and crowned with fortified monasteries, or dzongs.

The local radio station provided the sound track, a strange mix that included a traditional Bhutanese folk song.
Not too many airlines are available, if you want to travel Paro (their only world-connection) from India except National Carrier Druk Air (Druk Jams, Druk Pickles…you have caught it right (Druk) Honey!) – one of the safest airlines in the world.

With only 700,000 people inhabiting the land, a king that is much loved by the people , a national dish of chilli and cheese , and a national animal that looks half-buffalo and half-yak, it is hard not to feel as though you have landed in a tiny magical fairytale kingdom, rightly the ‘Shangri-La.’

Blessed by Guru Rinpoche, Bhutan has the most revered ‘hanging’ pilgrimage sites (only if you have no ‘weak knees’ & can climb steep hill of 3000 mts. high), aptly named Tiger’s Nest. But if can’t (like me), but still want to be blessed with “fertility”(of all variables!) – a visit to at Chimi Lakhang temple, dedicated to a randy medieval monk does more than others – termed “fertility temple” at Ponakha, he’s thought to bless women with children! Every home, every child’s auspicious bracelet, each trinklet is marked with – the Penis!

Understandably, Bhutanese have limited or nil concept of monogamy. Truly liberated!

In every corner of this universe, my search leads me to an undying passion – junk jewellery, art & crafts, of which (as any other) Bhutan has in abundance.

Although defined as one of the safest places to stay in the world, with its elegant heritage properties to host the guests, and a cool weather to match its warmth – I would still define Bhutan as a poor man’s Sikkim.

The Hypocrisy of Monogamy

The more, the happier... by choice

Monogamy = a form of marriage in which an individual has only one spouse at any one time. Never happens.
Adultery = is a relationship that develops between two consenting adults, when not given a free choice. Always happens.

Marriage has unsurprisingly emerged as a global practice. Usually by definition, a marriage between two partners entails monogamy. Keeping couples faithful is at the root of many societal laws and customs that attempt to promote childrearing while curbing sexual desires. Let us review the rather uninformed rather unenlightened state of marriage as it is now practiced (and I do mean practiced, because few get it right). Between 17 and 24 years of age, when people are at an age least qualified under present modern, commercially inundated, cultural settings, to make such decision, is the time when they are under most pressure from peers and family to do just that. Fortunately all over the world young people are rebelling against this ill-advised ideal, and marrying later and later, many opting not to marry at all. The society in their ignorance of the cultural realities of their first error of sanctifying marriage for selfish reasons, fail to understand why monogamy never has and never will work.

Marriages stayed together because people were afraid of family pressures, wrongly asserted by women afraid to leave abusive marriage partners and enforcing upon their offspring the same ignorance as “tradition”. The divorce rate began to skyrocket as women learned they could earn a living independent of men. The fears, insecurities, envy, jealousy of spouses, have made relating more difficult in an already unnatural setting called marriage. Just because society, out of false morality structures, have not given a free will of choice between monogamy, polygamy or celibacy – polygamy is practiced in the form of an ugly term called “adultery”.

Men by nature were born to be hunters, whereas women naturally chose to be home-makers. If given a choice and one is true to oneself (de-conditioned), men would like to be homeless wanderers. It is the woman who likes to tie him down to becoming a husband and a father, not realising that it is a conditioning that society has fabricated and fed with the mother’s milk, to keep him “in control”. But has failed miserably.

If you wonder about statistics, in every sexual survey done, an average of 75% of all married persons admitted to adultery and the majority admitted to serial-adultery or adultery with more than one person regularly. I say admitted to adultery, because many people, under such conditions, for a variety of reasons, will not admit that they have done something “wrong”. Many others will deny that they have had intercourse outside of their marriage.

The truth? It is hard to find a monogamous relationship by choice. More so, the rest of 15% may not physically practice adultery (I would prefer to call it relationship with another without marriage – adultery again sounds so “society-bound- (il)legal” definition!), but every (wo)man is so bored of his marital status, that in mind/matter (pornography, internet) is always tempting – most don’t indulge in a relationship outside marriage simply due to lack of courage or conditioning.

Indians make a great show of monogamy, but in reality, they practice polygamy with their clandestine “affairs”, “extra-marital relationships” or “heavy petting, oral sex”. It is of interest to note that many countries in the world today have outlawed polygamy. Taking a second wife, even with the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of the law. On the other hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge or consent, is perfectly legitimate as far as the law is concerned! What is the legal wisdom behind such a contradiction? Is the law designed to reward deception and punish honesty? It is one of the unfathomable paradoxes of our modern ‘civilized’ world.

“Without trying to simplify a complex situation too much, there’s a basic tension between biology on one side and society on the other side”, said psychologist Tom W. Smith, Director and principal investigator of the widely cited General Social Survey (GSS) conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, which gauges sexual attitudes and behaviours. “Biology simply wants a male and a female to mate together and the female to become pregnant — that’s all biology wants. But societies want to perpetuate themselves, too”.

Monogamy, as practised today, is like a game of musical chairs where you sit briefly and get up for the next chair so that somebody else can jump on the chair you just left. The reason monogamists give for criticizing polygamists is moral and is based on the ethic of one man, one wife, whereas Polygamy is the most ancient practice found in all human societies and almost every non-human oxygen breathing life form.

Empowerment of Truth

What is the truth of “TRUTH”? Is it the opposite of lies? LIES.

Truth is when we have the courage and freedom to take the risk of saying things the way they are – about ourselves first and only then to the other. Truth is the challenge of living and empowering ourselves for getting out of the hypocrisy mould of being “ever polite, pleasant or silent” with the pretext of our subconscious mind telling us “it will hurt/spoil my image/create tension with argument” if truth be told.

Truth does not hurt the other – the hurt is because somewhere you have touched the raw nerve of the other’s lie, which s/he may be telling to herself/himself and that which has become a part of her/his “mask”.

Truth is not rudeness. Truth is not being judgemental. Truth is what applies to self, the way it applies to the other.

The human psyche since childhood is adorned with so many masks, that it never reveals its original face. Slowly, we are layered with masks of hypocrisy for survival in this world, where every “other” is revealing a similar mask. Masking our original selves never allows us to really touch the other’s heart and soul; Masking never allows us to bask in the sunshine and warmth of purity of relationships; Masking creates unseen barriers where the faces closest to you remain the farthest.

The danger of experiments with truth, where so many masks are being projected, is that you may become isolated and alone, where only fellow travellers are the ones with courage – rare and few, instead of a jungle of “bodies”.

Question – Are you not isolated NOW?

5 State(ment)s of Dis-empowerment

The Five State(ment)s of Dis-empowerment in Marriage… and the way to Empowerment

1.

WO-MAN
My husband gives me all the freedom.

HE is not doing any special favour. You are born free.

My wife is constantly checks/asks about mobile messages, picks-up my phone if ringing, keeps a note on who is on my facebook…

SHE is abusing your private space. BUT re-visit your past and see if you “out of love” allowed her this space in the first place! It is never too late to say “NO”.

2.

My husband does not like my friend as s/he is very bold/shares her/his feelings with me as a trusted friend would.

My wife feels that my female colleague/friend is “too close” to me – although it is a plain platonic friendship. It is better that I do not relate to her anymore, as I fear the tension it creates.

Thus, I have let my friend go.

You have a right to choose friends, just as S/HE does. It is one fe/male friend today, there will be another tomorrow… It is not a power-game. It should be a partnership based on love. Not FEAR.

3.

I should not have gone out of the way to advise/support my side of the family. It upsets my husband.

Your side of the family does not become “alien” because HE thinks so. Otherwise, HE too should not “go out of the way” to advise/support his family – does that really/rarely happen?

My wife (Read as: Educated, CEO & Ambitious) feels it is such a waste of time on a weekend to listen to my mother (Educated but home-maker) discussing her “sarees, jewellery, family & kitty party friends!”

A weekend for a mother that has given “you” as a precious gift to your wife should be spent on “listening to her desire”. It does not have “ambition”, but love.

4.

It was not my right to comment /suggest in front of his friends. He called me “stupid” in front of them, and asked me to “keep quiet”.

This is a form of abuse. To call names/downsize you in front of people (or in isolation). Would you be able to do the same to him?

She is always correcting/advising me. There can never be a discussion. It is always an argument leading to fights. I have stopped responding and now keep quiet. There is less tension.

Is it?
You now have blood pressure/diabetes/overweight/heart ailment/ulcer/addiction… or another relationship!
Silence is not always golden. Especially in marriage. You are being abused.

5.

How can I refuse intimacy (read – sex) to my husband even if I was not feeling like? He was in such great mood!

You have a right to refuse. Otherwise, it is sexual abuse – very common in marriages.

She does not like my experiments with intimacy (read-sexual acts). She does not like to discuss. It has become the same boring “job” that I must do being a man! There is no excitement left of exploration.

WO-MAN (read-wife) – On the above note – Participate. Innovate. Motivate.

If Not – QUESTION the relationship!

Dynamics of Love & Duty

“I love you, but how can I leave my marital home legally as I am bound by duty to look after my children! I feel torn apart and do not know what to do?” – A statement that stunned my dear friend who had a twelve year long relationship with this married man. He was not like one of those “I will have a side but discreet affair” types – he was a rarest of rare species of those men who truly, openly and honestly loved my friend, but when the moment of decision to move-in occurred, these were his words (I will mention her dis-empowering decision on this too later- so you male species may not claw out my eyes!), that later tore the relationship apart.

In this hypocritical society that we live, adorned with many masks – besides other unconscious facts, it is ingrained in the male bone and marrow (yes, this is a very male/masochistic trait, as woman have no choice) that love and duty are one and the same emotion. Most of the men are fed in their mother’s milk that they are duty-bound – towards their mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, children, society, country… well, it is an exhaustive list… burdening them with a ego-centric feel of being the power centre! Yes, I use both the words “burden” and “power” deliberately, as internally even if they feel totally depleted within their hearts and souls, the “good boy” power game keeps them going – for more.

Love is an emotion that is a happening, not doing. Love carries that energy of empowerment which uplifts one’s inner being to a sense of exhalation in its expansiveness. Love may be sensual, sexual or spiritual – it does not really matter, because in that defining moment (termed as aha!), the sense of freedom and bliss reign supreme. It is the only emotion gifted to human beings by this universe/God/existence (you may name whatever!) that gives a “thumbs-down” sign to the mind, which crumbles under this unknown energy. It is not a “mind game” but God’s play, or the leela.

Duty is totally a mind and a very male game. It is a doing that dis-empowers the soul and crushes all the soft edges that has been bestowed to us by this universe/God/existence. It is a conditioning that the society feeds, so that a man is never free. Men live in love-less marriages of being a provider, parental subservience in the name of respect, while their ego-centric mind feeds them with duty-bound beliefs. Men, who could have flowered into beautiful souls; Men, who could be in loving partnerships; Men, who have a better capability of being great meditators due to their ease-ness in being alone – these very species lie buried under the acts of duty, very bored with life in its existing form. Thus, they are bound to look for “exciting ventures” – the most common being “women”!

It is a total shift in empowerment that is required. That which is created with awareness of self, with conscious choices made to stand by the emotions that are related to freedom and joy. If a relationship is throbbing and pulsating with these two emotions – between man and woman; between parents and children – it is worth an exploration which will lead you to a path of greater spiritual freedom, as it is Love.

Rest, is all a Duty!

Compromise

COMPROMISE and ADJUSTMENT – The two most dis-empowering words

Life’s meandering paths at every “cross” bring forth two words within lengthy dominating statements – “You must compromise if peace is to be maintained”, or “You will need/must learn to adjust with people/family/circumstances…” (Do not miss the “You” – always pointed at the woman or those men who have a feminine or passive approach towards life.)

Of course, that is the only approach and semblance of sanity. Is it? Have we ever asked the “You” whose individuality is being sacrificed at the altar, thus developing a false personality? The “you” that is always burdened under the garb of these good looking words, hiding the ugliness of control and dependency; covering the causal dis-respect to self; inflating the false egos of male-ness existing in the society.

(P.S: “Males”, do not hurt yourself – this finger (whichever it is!) is not pointing to the physicality of your external gender, but to the internal psyche that maybe feminine or masculine).

Why do we so often use the two words “compromise” and “adjustment” as sacrosanct, when its reflection on the human psyche has only resulted in turmoil and regression? If we look within the walls of our emotional self, it is crumbling under the pressure of hypocritical masks that we “choose” to wear for fear of rejection.

The flowering of self empowerment happens when there are no walls, but an open sky – between “us” as a whole; between loving and being; between acceptance and surrender… that is the journey to BE.

100% Steps To Empowerment

• Share 100%. Bliss showers.
• Be passionate 100%. Celibacy will follow.
• Be angry 100%. Compassion is born.
• Love the other intensely, totally and earnestly 100%. Ability to Let Go becomes easy.
• Let the other BE 100%. Freedom will prevail in both.
• Listen 100%. Communion of others will follow.
• Cry 100%. Mirror of the soul will have a new shine.
• The secret of 100% Laughter? Only IF you have cried 100%!!
• There are only right actions. If you are aware 100%.
• Give 100%. You will get it all back.
• Be 100% ordinary. It is an extraordinary quality.
• Relax 100% in Non-doing. Rightful doing will be born.
• Meditate in silence 100%. Peace and Joy will be your beloved.